勇气吗......

反反复复试着打开这窗户，却一直 “cannot find this server” 心慌焦急，不是因为开不到这窗户，因为后天就截止了...大学报名表科目选项的一格仍然空白一篇，说好要读电脑，实际上我真的很害怕，怎么说我也是个电脑白痴，直到来了perth才略懂一二，也不知道为什么比较感兴趣的剩这一科。说好不要害怕，大学根本是个学习的地方，为何终是感到很不安，很不喜欢这种滋味...我知道我是个天生的胆小鬼，向来什么都怕一场，真的迟迟踏不出这一步，突然很害怕上大学，更害怕上不了大学，害怕自己做错了决定，真的很没用.... 不爱问人，我怕糗，虽然努力试着去改变，可是拿不出勇气，也许我欠的就是这份勇气....

现在怎么办，是否应该不顾一切选了再打算，esther我也有想过读biomed，然而我真的下不了决定，叫一个像我这般没主意的人做决定简直要了我的命....其实也不是那样，如果我真的没主意大可拿别人意见随意报名算了，毕竟这是我人生目前为止最重要的决定，不可敷衍！所以才那么多顾虑。烦了我一整个礼拜，我以为可以很早就搞定，却拖到现在.... 彩蕙啊！你要提起勇气呀！

似乎还是只看到缩在一角颤抖着的自己.... 庆幸现在心情比较平复，我要吹吹风了...明天之前，我希望我已决定....

decision.. crucial

i dunno if its the right choice to pick computer science, i dunno anything else i cud study, as if picking my couse blindfolded now, so scared i will make wrong decision...hand trembling... wut to do, ahh, god..plz guide me to the best path... i m so scared...time running out too..

arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.....................................

 

boom!

 

how easy a person to get crazy... and i m nearly there...haih...

 

i was thinking for whole day today, still cant make up my mind... plus sean say i m not capable.. then wut... wut else can i do, i know i m a noob, ahh super noobie! i know nothing abt computer and yet i dunno y i pick computer (i havent actually pick), but seriously wut else i can do... miserable being a human.... worry for this and that... mayb dad was right, cant compare, every career has its own gd, being best of the one is gd enuf, yet sean words drag my determination away, shud i still pick computer science...

我的未来

i think almost 2 weeks already, i still did nth! not getting a job, not applying for uni... day dreaming... day after day.... 

since last time when i got fired till now, i still kinda scared of getting a job, mayb is hillarious for others.... y wud u feel dat way, is just a job, and not even a gd job, for me is rather a bad experience, a job last no longer than 2 month, haih... mayb somewhere deep in my mind have save the sudden terror moment of me getting fired, hurting everytime when think of it... needa gather more courage, born to be a coward, haih, dats y i don like myself..

好换一换中文... 这几天也只追电视剧看而已，无聊吧..溏心风暴看到一半，跟我坏掉，tmd！让我生活上唯一仅有的依靠....没了！！！多掺，又看不到结局，我该怎么活下去，长叹......~

会突然很想回马来西亚，跟死党们一起k歌，谈天说地， 从早到晚，又好想去旅行，其实有想过，这次如果回去，一定走遍大江南北，吃遍每一处的美食，顾不了体重了，哈哈，可惜啊...不过下次！我一定要玩个痛快！haha!

再说吧！

 

 

  

happy bday to U!

just to say, HAPPY BIRTHDAY CRAPPY CURVY!!!!! officially one yrs old now

i will keep blogging don worry, so u nvr die so soon, hahaha!

~make a wish, make a wish~

i think i shud update, such an important event, how can i not blog abt it, but seriously lazy to blog, haha

another bday ova, i remember my very 1st post in this space was my 16th bday, and now my 17th bday, time just pass so fast, one yr ova, cant believe i made it dat far, haha i think i said that for thousands times already... is just memorable, so many things, being sick, coming to perth, repeat a yr, everything which i nvr eva thought of it will happen, and it does happened, things dat i think i cant do it b4, and now i have done it, simply amazing, can spend a day day dream abt it, and nvr feel bored, haha..

k back to bday.. i nvr wish how my bday will be extraordinary, well i nvr wanna put very much effort to celebrate my bday, coz... i dunno how to do it.. haha... c how lazy m i... haha, so i don expect much, probably just a dinner wif family or a hangout wif frens to sing ktv is gd enuf, i really think so!! this yr is just like dat, din done much, a dinner wif family, got presents, and few days b4 did went to ktv, hahaha, c i m satisfied... during the dinner, dad told the tauke is my bday (gosh y wud he did dat dat time!), then the tauke put on bday song in the restaurant, lucky not much ppl in the restaurant dat time... then an angmo form the next table come to me and wish my happy bday, seriously dunno how to react dat time, feel so dumb just standing there... anyways, overall although not really memorable, still i m happy, gd enuf.. hehe.. btw glad that ppl remember my bday, and thanks for all the wishes! especially ss who count down wif me, u make my bday special!! and oso others lo, not mentioning here doesnt mean "anything", i appreciate all of them!!!

 

i think this is rather brief compare to my "sweet 16" post haha, getting lazy, plus really nth much to say abt, hmm.. yea i do make few wishes, i think everyone know wut my wish is hahahaha, dats right! nic teo! hehe, wish dat one day i can come to ur concert! plz realise it hahaha... i really hope so... btw, wish my dear idol happy bday by 29th nov! thanks for ur music!!

 

these few days have been thinking wut i shud apply in uni... headache, vet is hopeless, and dunno abt the rest, wut shud i study seriously, haih... i don expect too high now, problem is i really dunno wut i m gd wif, i m pretty useless actually... haih...haih... i dunno la!!!!       

失眠的杰作

开开关关的都不知道要写什么

好像有什么要写却又突然忘了想写什么

要不然就缺了那份感觉

所以很无聊的决定乱写一通！

只因突然失眠了.... 真是天大的笑话，彩蕙竟然失眠.... 看来平时睡太多了吧...哈哈

试考完了，当我终于放下最沉重的包袱时，就很空虚的那种感觉，像是以往很辛苦去走的一段路，不知不觉般到了尽头，本应该很高兴已经到了终点，却发觉自己已经无路可走，在终点发愣..

“就让我们的爱情走到了陌路，在一起没有幸福，我很迷糊....”

哈哈，如果婷看到了一定说： “又是栋梁..”

不给啊？哈哈 ...

可惜我看都没看过他，你好啊你看演唱会也没我份，tmd！好羡慕啊...唉....

看！ 弄到我失眠更严重了！

怎么办，词穷了，又睡不下... 惨了...要一整晚发霉...

豁出去了！我要写到我可以睡着为至..

反正也是时候，好像我都很少说关于我自己..多数都是在说废话哈哈.... 来发挥一下我写作的天份...

本人今年十七，中学毕业至今有三个多礼拜，失业，尚未报读大学，人生没目标，此时脑中再次传来栋梁美妙的歌声...“我已走到了陌路....真的很迷糊....”

还有什么想懂？ 我未婚，没爱情经验，哈哈...虽然不渴望却很好奇... 其实比较希望别人拍拖多过自己，因为可以八卦哈哈...

个性呢...自己认为很懒懒的，傻傻的，非常多愁善感，也很害怕和人沟通，有点孤僻，很在意别人怎么看我，因为很担心自己会伤害别人，所以有时很少说话，怕说错什么，哈哈，我家人是时常说我讲话没经过大脑，不过和朋友们聊天的时候就管不了那么多，大家都蛮叽喳的哈哈...

最大的兴趣是唱歌，虽然不会说很好听，低音比较高难度，高音也不是很好，最遗憾是唱不到栋梁的歌，太难了哈哈，不过仍再努力中，只有在唱歌方面才有这份斗志哈哈

emmm...想不到了，有点累却不想睡，算了，我去数绵羊，bye..

when it slowly comes to an end..

finally finish my exams! nightmare all ova (emm actually it havent begins haha)... making through my last effort yesterday, cram cram cram... drank a 600ml ice coffee till stomach hurtz, went "jamban" for more thousands times, thought i woud die dat time, and wuts worse... the light in toilet suddenly went off! emm.. sumthing must be added to make it clear, i m in the library dat time, and dat day i dunno wut happen some of the light bulb in toilet were taken off, it was already quite dark in the toilet, and wut the hell the light went off.. i nearly scream dat time, try to keep my mind calm when i m half way through my "project", quickly finish off, but its totally dark i cant even c a thing seriously... and my stupid mind keep on popping up wif some gruesome image of the kid from grudge suddenly appear in front of me and start strangling me... 

later... phew lucky the light went on again, but my stomach still hurtz...

since yesterday i swear i wudnt drink "chill" 's coffee, no i wont drink coffee anymore! hundreds cups of tea is betta than dat seriously! (but still cant resist latte) 

bio exams generally betta than mocks one but i still cant finish, haih, quit talking abt exams... now finally , officially finish my "repeated yr 12"...

so much had happen this yr, cant believe i went through everything... as if fate dat i skip a yr after pts, then i gain the yr back at the end...

wut if i repeated his yr and still cant get gd results, though i dint exoect too high, i just wan at least betta than last yr (actually i expect a lot betta than last yr haha), if i really fail to do dat, i ask myself would i regret for choosing to repeat this yr....

i might cry, but i will nvr regret, eventhough actually i dint had much this yr, but is defintely a gd yr, worthwhile for me to spend a yr getting nth i wanted initially, but i gain wut i had not expected, not very much, but i kinda miss it, the chance of knowing these ppl....

happy... statisfy... is gd enuf, nvr know being back to the yr u belong to was such a happy thing, when i slowly forgotten how old m i now haha..

 

anyway this dosent means i m not happy wif ppl older than me (opps), haha dunno if ss feel the same, forgotten how old r u now

...18 right?... no la we only 17.... cant enter casino yet

oh! just remember i m still 16, next monday only 17, so fast another yr.... 

fattening summer

arghh really cant stand this weather, freaking hot!!!!! since yesterday, sudden change in weather, this is really hotter than malaysia and yet dry... cant sweat at all, so hell hot hot and cant cool down.... but if i wanna choose i prefer the weather here, eventhough is hot, but i cant stand the sweatty condition, anyway neither are gd

the most evil item in summer, tempting me, ice-cream!! ate one yesterday and now eat another one, looks like gonna gain weight again, but is so irresistable... yum ice cream...especially mint choc and choc chips..! awwww....

"no, u r super fat now celine, when everyone else losing their weight and u gain weight, no, leave the ice ceam alone..."

 

it seems the weather burns my brain, talking to myself again...

update

start bloggin again! little bit of update..

one more exam then TEE is ova!!! bio, swt, i havent start studying, shit feel so slack now, haih.. wut a person m i, slack b4 my so important exams..disgrace..

finish calculus, ppl were asking:" how did u do?"

then i said:" i miss two questions"

  "oh, dat was alrite."

  "one of them worth 14 marks, and the other one is 16 marks, and i left it blank..."

  "......"

 

ahhh !!!! wanna kill myself la!!! only if i have more time!! ahh, y m i so slow!!!

 

i m seriously discouraged.. future turns dark.. no idea wut should and wut could i do...

no more natto..

finally know wut is natto taste like...i wudnt say it taste like shit, but really dont get y the japanese like this kind of food... is emm.. taste really.. like it is expired for quite long... jeff say natto is fermented soy bean...   huh, really?!  ...no wonder taste a bit alcohol like, anaerobic respiration of autotrophics.. emmm, kinda biology feel hahaha..

but wait... so i m eating fermented food, ahh, got bacteria!!

anyway, dats the best part of natto, the essence! heard is gd for health... nth bad... except the taste...

look at the bottom of the label... used before oct 2008...?? can an expired food expire?

don really wanna eat dat again.. but i still have 3 packets...swt =.="

 

k, distracted.. gotta study now! TEE started, aiihh, screw up my chem already, god, i feel discouraged...