who the hell m i ?

actually i aint as strong as wut i looks like, not anymore... i cant do anything, i m living in my self-centered world isolated from others, i totally noob, complete idiot, i know nth abt abt myself, i know nth abt wut i shud i do, i know nth abt wut i want, i have no goal, no aim, no hope...

i m useless...

y m i crying so much recently...? i m watching my future collapsing in front of me... yet i dunno wut to do... ran away? or stay?

time..... i hate y time pass so fast...... i don wanna grow up... i m scared.... i cant do it myself... i dunno wut i m suppose to do... aim high? study hard..? be a professional..? is dat wut u think i m thinking abt..? as if u know me more than i do.. is true, i really dunno who m i....

 

i m saying the truth... deppest down in my heart... i aint the person wut others tot i m, i m just acting, seriously...

behind everyone else.. i m just a coward, i cant help crying when i m alone, i m weak, but i m pretending.. as if i m confident with myself.. but i m not.. i hardly ask help from others, no matter how hard i m struggling, i nvr wan to ask anyone, i scared to show dat i m weak, i scared after i did asked ppl would just ignore me, i scared if i ask something i have no right to ask... i scared of everything, told ya i m a coward...

and u think i take things easily..? nth particularly dat i care..? not dat i don care.. i just dunno wut i shud do.. i cant think much.. dats y i ran away from problems.. dats y u tot i nvr care abt anything.... dats y i m struggling now, forcing myself to face my problems...

 

don leave any comment for this one if anyone seen it... don even mention abt it.... i wasnt goin to post this initially... i dunno y..    

arghhh, pressure ah, i really regret la...

even though so tired, i still come here, i still wanna blog.... coz i wanna say out loud : " I HATE WORKING!!!!!!! "

 

today is my 1st day of work, emm.. or training, 1st time working.... and i regretted for started working now, haha... 

my 1st job, check outs in IGA.... working 4hours today, standing there scanning items, saying: "hi how r u" to every customers... sounds easy.. but nah, not until i did it, i finally realise i m actually an idiot, or my dad says is "price idiot"... i keep making mistakes, press the wrong buttons .... getting wrong change, and so on.. is just such a bad day.. i feel like crying.. seriously, i started to appreciate those days being able to sit in front of comp on9 whole day, watching tv, eating and sleeping, and beside all dat just studying.. which i don really like it but i rather study now if compare to working... is not just tired, but i afraid i wont be able to do it, i m really an idiot!!!!!!! gotta learn how to work and study at the same time, i really scared i cant do it.... just feels like quiting the job now... haih.... need $$$ to go back malaysia, so wut can i do..?

 

ps: change the colour of text now... looks bit betta? i think last time dat orange kinda too bright and hard to read...  

omg u spot me!

now i regretted for establishing my new blog site, i think i rather stay here, but i cant just state that in my blogger site:

" sorry for causing troubles... owner of current blog decides to close down the page, any complaints will not be accepted, readers shud be informed dat this new blog site is actually..... a hoax..... deepest apology from owner... ~end~ " 

after a while can c garbage being thrown towards celine...... oh!!! she ran away! dat coward!

 

hahahaha, my god, really hope no one will c this, i guess i m just too lame and too bored.. is my life wut do u expect?! haha, plus a little maniac for talking to myself in my blog... wahahaha...

btw, y do i stop here, not like i am passing by again, after start using blogger i start to dislike it, reasons... being dat... is just aint my style la, i dunno how to describe, even though blogging in msn space might be kinda inpopular, but i just enjoys it, hehe... alrite, like i said any complaints will not be accepted coz i already decided... btw msn spaces did updated and plus some new functions in, but i haven explore it, nth to worry abt since i will be continuing in here from now on, sorry for neglecting "u" for the last few weeks... haha..

 

the intro is too long le, i initially wanna blog abt something else but end up like dis, hmmm actually dats not something really interesting so if i remember then i post it in next time.. (but i nvr did.. haha remember i stil owe one post abt the malaysia trip..). anyway, abt the "those and these days", i will still leave it, blogging some here and there.. haha sorry for ppl dat read my blog, not intend for dat... k, dats all for this.. if anyone c this really sorry abt dat... gomenasai... paiseh paiseh...   

pass by..

surprise me, msn space changes a lot, unexpected... is quite cool now with the graphics..

i was working on econs assignment, haha so much to do but i oni have one day left... (still have mood to laugh.. haha if not shud i cry?)... gets bit tired, so come to visit my "old home", actually i still prefer msn space somehow... for some reasons, it gives me a kind of feeling... "亲切感" i dunno how to say dat in english, swt my english still bad...

in here i can blog more freely, not dat i cant in the other blog, just wonder y theres a different between them, i cant actually tell, is all just by a feeling, just i feel i m being myself in here rather than in the other... as if thers nth to hide in here, but the other one gives me pressure, i think mayb most of the others blogging in blogger, and my new established bloggy looks too simple in front of them... no... i dunno wut i m talking abt now... don i always hope someone notice my blog?... hmmmm... no idea, ignore my craps if someone spot this..(will there be any?)

i really running out of time now, but still don feel like doin it, faint~ just by looking at those figures, i really wanna run away from all of these... ahh, fine.. i know is my fault for not spending my holiday in a gd way, i just cant help, feel so ashame, can i ask for more?? dream on!

 

hope dat i have time to sleep tonite... 

moving!

attention ladies and gentlemen if theres any! (haha)

 

my bloggy officially "moving house" today

from now on will be writting blog in this new one  

 

click here! tekan sini! 点击这里! "those and these days"

 

come and visit me sometimes ok.. haha, c u there..

holiday!

these few days, the begining of holiday.. i say i m goin to get a job.. i say i m goin to study.. i say i m goin to... do all these, and i will do it!

 

mayb.. haha

 

i try my best la ok   

 

(excuse)

 

wut la! i will try ok, seriously!!

 

错了再错 - 张栋梁

new song in my bloggy ~错了再错~ by 张栋梁 two thumbs up for this one!! best song of dong liang eva!

  

hope everyone enjoys it :P

 

错了再错 - 张栋梁

 

退到了绝境再退，破碎到不能破碎
那么为什么 你就不肯说 我只能猜一切都错
泪水灌溉这伤悲 绝望是你赐给的安慰
为何你说慌 我却受惩罚
你不如就用刀刺下
我可以痛了再痛 你可以错了再错
不甘心 不闪躲 只为那失真的承诺
我转身让你玩着火 你存心用尽我宽容
为什么连谎言你也刺破

爱和痛彼此纠结 悲和我无法分解
厌倦的疲累 成了一片黑
像空洞已无法消灭
泪水滋润着泪水 背叛是你另一种慰藉
完美的借口 泪无辜留下 你不如用乱箭射吧

我可以痛了再痛 你可以错了再错
不甘心 不闪躲 只为那失真的承诺
我转身让你玩着火 你存心用尽我宽容
为什么连谎言你也刺破

即使我头也不回 这悲剧猛向我追
情愿你全部摧毁 别留着燎原的火堆
给你的自由将我吞没 给我的爱像一根绳索
你放手却困住了我
我可以痛了再痛 你可以错了再错
不甘心 不闪躲 全为了失真的承诺
我转身让你玩着火 你存心用尽我宽容
为什么连谎言你也刺破
为什么 连谎言你也不说