lifes being a cancer patient (part 2)

seriously, having cancer is so much betta than having chemotherapy. though is quite suffering b4 treeatment, not just constant coughing, and hard to sleep at nite(imagine can oni sleep in sitting position), but all these do not really matter, coz it does not makes her feel sick. the treatment that makes her feel sick, due to the side effects of the drugs that makes her nausea, feel like vommiting. a total of 12 treatments!!! thats equal having sick 12 times in 6 months, once every 2 weeks, now it balance back, coz she has not been sick for so many yrs, she believes this is wut we call "kharma", mayb is just not too fair to be healthy for so long. 

so the chemo is just like a drip, of coz the nurse must make a hole in somewhere on the body to let the drug flows in the body, how terrible it is to poke a hole once every 2 weeks just to make the drip. the health department realise how important this matter is, obviously they don wan to get sued by the patient, so they make a "brilliant" idea (dunno which "brilliant"person invented this "brilliant" product). they put this tube (which they call picc line) in to the blood vessel so the hole can stays there for a longer period. the gurl din realise how scary is this picc line b4 that, she thought is just like a normal needle jabbing and thats all, how naive, but is too late to worry now.

afterall, is just a little more than a needle jab, just that they also insert a line through the vessel on arm to the chest, the whole procedure is easy, but hurtzz! she din watch how the nurse do it, but the pain is really awful. 

 

nurse: "so here comes the stingy bit" (the needle pokes in)

gurl:   " (AAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!)........"

nurse: " i m sorry sweet heart"

gurl:    " (yea, u gonna be real sorry!)  nah its ok....(kill me plz!!)

 

the line was in, and something on the arm to hold the line so it dosen pulls out easily, but it is rather robotic, the arm cant move freely and gotta wrap up everytime when showering, the place cant get wet no matter wut. the chemo goes on for 6 months, every tuesday become the "hospital day", no school obviously for tuesday and sometimes of the week. 

 

finally 12 chemos done, and her yr 12 ova too, anyway, the results is definitely disappointing, haiiz, no point gotta repeat a yr agen to do betta. gd news is the tumour was all cleared, pity that after all these she develop the so call "hospital phobia", due to this phobia she gotta reconsider the aim to study vet and become a doctor (veterinarian is oso a doctor evn though is bit differ).

afterall she is now living happily ever after.........(haha, who knows)

 

~the end~

 

for those who wonder who the gurl is, i tell u who she is is not important, just to tell others who has similar illness, not to give up!!!

the determination to keep this gurl doing all these, is actually the fear of death (is really scary), and for not disappointing those who support her and loved her. finally thanks to frens and family members of the gurl, all staffs in haematology deparment especially dr steve (though apparently he dosen do anything), the teachers in lynwood high and for anyone who helped and supported her.    

lifes being a cancer patient (part 1)

finally i m worthy to write this....

this is a real story......

it happens abt 10 months ago, theres gurl in perth watching comedy in the middle of a night, then suddenly, she laughs, coz the show is really funny, she cant stop laughing, keep on laughing and laughing, and......choke. due to too much of laughing, get choked and start coughing, that wasnt sumthing special until........the nightmare begins....

 

NOTE: this is not a horror story, and laughing too much is not a gd thing.

 

the next day in the morning, the gurl felt sumthing is not right, she felt aching in the left chest, she wants to cough everytime breathing in and out, anyway, maybe is just nth she thought. so she have some "pei pa kou" in order to smooth the throat. the coughs continues, 1 weeks 2 weeks 3 weeks, and is getting worse, she feel sumthing rubbing in her left chest, she feel sumthing in there, and keep on coughing, not very much but constantly coughing. but she din go for doc, coz she hate being sick, she hasnt been sick for 3 yrs b4 that. finally 3 months ova, that time was during may-june, the coughs din end, she was having exam in the same time. it will be so quiet in the exam hall if she din cough, throughout the exam the gurl is making so much noise, anyway no one seems to realised she was coughing.

she finally go to clinic, actually not because of the coughing, coz at the same time she had serious skin disease(her face looks really bad that time). it is true that woman oni cares abt her beauty but not her health. then the skin disease is cured, but doc cant find the cause of coughing, so he ask her to do x-ray. the results of x-ray, the whole left lung is white, while the right one looks normal.

she was shock, but still think it is not sumthing serious, mayb is just an error of x-ray or mayb theres some mucuos stuck in the lung. contnue folo up to check wuts going on, the clinic doc said "u gotta go to hospital to check out", so she was sent to the emergency in hospital. she lying on the bed for 5 hours doing nth in the so call "emergency ward", waiting to do bronchoscopy, a procedure which a camera is push through the bronchus of the lft lung to c wuts inside. 

 

the doc found nth inside, just that the bronchus is narrower, so sumthing is compressing from the outside(lucky.... not in lung)

no point, gotta do ct scan, spending so much of money doing this and that and still dunno wuts going on, finally ct-scan shows, it is a tumour, that compress the lung, but yet dunno wut type of tumour it is. then do biopsy, agen waiting in the hopsital for more than 8 hours. in this pocedure, the gurl has to stay awake, and watch the doc jab the needle in to the left lung to take a bit of the tumour sample. how dreadful it is, a total of 5 samples r taken, ahhh.

then they check finally found out is cancerous, poor little gurl, in the age of oni 16 getting cancer, sad.....

anyway, she din cry, coz she still think is not that serious (in her point of view), issit becoz she is optimistic, or she is too stupid to realise how serios it is, anyway is a gd sign. but two of her family member tears a little (actually is not a little). so get wut the problem is , now is time to cure.

 

to be continued.......

 

happy new yr for all...

2006 goin to be over in couple of hours.

hah............ hard to believe a year just pass so fast, mayb too slow for me, differ view for differ person, coz 2006 is the worst yr of me eva experienced. so much have happened, mostly bad things, and really.........hope nth worse than this in coming yr. is just like a dream, so much of unbelievables, 1st coming to perth, a place i neva even think of coming, then i did. another great change is lymphoma, although is not all ova, and when looking back the path i have gone through, still don believe how i actually manage to come through all these, as i said is just like a dream, a very long dream.

and today, new year's eve.........

so boring ah, stay at home writting blog, haha, yea, seems meaningless to me......

anyway, the real meaning is lives betta, whole new yr and whole new life. everything comes in cycle, theres end and theres beginning, and it will begin agen and ends agen, so my new yr's hope.........:

1. of coz the most important thing, hope everyone is healthy and contented

2. peace but full of excitements

3. earn more money$$$

4. improvements in everything

5. for the girls, become prettier, and for the guys, become much handsome

6. happily ever after

always ask for more, but just make 6 wishes at the moment. mayb last yr din make wishes thats y this yr is full of disasters.

hope all wishes will come true.

人生不如意之事十常八九...

so long haven been updating this space, dunno wut to write anymore.

and TEE result finally out, as i expected, no gd, a bit disappoint, but since i have prepared for that. remember last time when PMR results were out, i was crying, though that time i get betta result than this time, and i cried, mayb my expectation was too high last time....no, don get it, that time i was going to laugh but end up crying, how embarrasing, very complicated emotion. one thing i learn now is to accept the fact, and well...

i know i m going to get no gd, din cry, since i have other ways, uni seems too high for me now, i have climb half way, but decided to take a rest, mayb is betta, coz i don wan to end up falling, take some time to think wut i really wan to do.

i was too lucky for this case, even though being sick, haha, get some advantage too, far too gd for me, more than fair (shud i thank for being sick?). but.......... i don wan anyone to think that i getting such results is becoz i m sick, no matter wut, i know myself getting lazy, slack, and don concentrate much. mayb there is no one to blame on, an accident? haha, i dunno. normally when things goes wrong and no one to blame on, i like to blame myself.

is my fault to not take care myself properly, and end up being sick, then missing school lessons, and finally get bad results in TEE.

thats y sometimes i hate myself, but then i realise, becoz i don like myself, so i din wan to make myself betta, then i hate agen, and i torture myself (haha, not so serious of coz), after all these happens, i learnt i need to love myself b4 anything else.

...........cant believe i m writting all these........

 

someone else get mad today abt the reults, the someone will nvr c this so i m safe to bitch behind his back (ahh, i have give a clue is a guy, he wont know anyway). i cant help him and dunno how to help, but since now he is not mad anymore then fine. he shuda be disappoint and shame himself instead of mad at ppl disappoint at him, anyway i don have rights to scold him, i shud feel disapoint at myself too.

 

but afterall is ova, cant do anything to change the results, just give some times to think agen and agen...

 

chrismas in summer

christmas is near....everyday, tv, shopping complex, everywhere can hear christmas songs,

 "u betta watch out.....santa claus is coming to town....",

every yr same songs, but santa nvr did arrive in town, so they nvr change the songs till santa here.

though listen to it everyday, still don really know how to sing, don even know the song name, i m outdated.

pity australian have to pass christmas in summer, santa have to wear T-shirt and hot pants if he wants to come aus. too bad santa say:" i would need to shave my beard too!" then santa arrive that time no one would recognise him at all, the australian would only think he is some other old man, and pass by him without even saying hi. santa would be so disappoint if that happen, so he thought abt it and decide not to have vacation in aus, and so evry yr australian sing "santa claus is coming to town", hoping santa will come one day, and they know santa will nvr come too, so they hire few fat guys to pretend santa, and thats y christmas still exist in aus till today. 

 

the flies r joing the christmas party too. this is really one of the unexplain in perth (not sure if it happen to whole aus), winter that time all the flies gone, even no flies on rubbish, whole perth is so peace... when summer here, they r back, scary thing is so much of them, from nowhere. this yr summer is bit ok, last yr summer, wah.... flies everywhere, they not only on rubbish and food, they attack human! australia flies basically is harmless, they r cleaner but very much bigger, they r slow, but they r smart.. the flies will nvr gone in summer, no matter how much we hit. 1 down 50 more to go (abit exagerate), very reproductive, wut is even worse is they attck ppl face, c how smart they r, they go for face, nvm if is other body parts, but they pick face!! how important is our face!!

dunno heard from dunno who abt how australian got their accent, becoz the flies is flying all ova the face, so aussie have to talk quick and keep their mouth as close as possible (dunno if its true, but some aussie do talk in this way)  

rest in peace.. my frens and my enemies......

yesterday is a day worth celebrating!! 3 months of coughing, 6 months of treatments, 12 chemos, more than 10 times of vommiting in hospital, feeling nausea every 2 weeks............. finally...........OVER!!!! but anyways, one more pet scanning then if nth happens, i m no more the hodgkin lymphoma patient, i m no more a cancer patient, i m free of anymore suffering, i m....i m.... i m....."healthy" again .....haha.

phew, and finally the PICC line is taken out, my right arm is free now, no more wrapping when showering, i can swim now, i don care abt carrying heavy stuffs now (but i wouldnt wan to carry anyway).

but still dunno if "u" r dead yet, i hope "u" did, "u" r the enemies that i will nvr forget and FORGIVE! nvr eva come back again, my left lung is not ur territory anymore (and no other parts in my body). its been a long time but yet seems very short, the death of my comrades, millions of them, rest in peace....... sorry for sacrificing "u guys" especially my hair, but don worry is growing back, now.....just have to wear hat.

most importantly, thx to all my family and frens, and to all staffs in haematology department, millions of appreaciation for the supporting and helping during these 6months, its tough, but i have done it so far so gd, hehe. something that just makes me disappoint is the waste of 6 months studying, din pay much attention, and haizz, dunno wut to do now........

so yes, always remember 12 dec 2006, the year of 2006, dunno wuts wrong wif this yr, just the worst yr i have ever experienced, and wuts more this kind of shitzz happen in my last yr in highschool, such an important yr, @#$%$#^*&@#%$^%##@%^#$&%*%!!!!! 

now just cross my finger, 4th jan next yr, PET scan !! hope "U" r dead, no more in my body, flush down the toilet and send to make fertilisers, absorb by vegetables and eaten by someonelse (NOT ME!) so rest in peace, forever...... 

and until that day.........

who would expect after graduating highschool will end up to be even more complicated, haizzz... after TEE fisnished, list of events to be completed:

1. wait for TEE results to out (hopefully not as shit as i think)

2. wait till chemo finish (1 more to go!)

3. apply for uni, or maybe repeat yr 12

4. go back to malaysia

5. ...........WUT ELSE??!! SO MUCH TO THINK ABT AND ALL I WISH TO DO IS JUST SIT DOWN AND WAIT FOR THE SUN TO SET!!!!

*sigh.....* these few days been rushing to here and there, yesterday to school, the day before yesterday to murdoch, apply this and that, TEE result not out yet and i m still stuck in the middle, dunno where to go, ahhhh!! 1st thing 1st, uni seems to be a bit hopeless now to me, so still have a go nvm, then for yr12, discuss and have a go too, everything is just hanging, becoz results not out yet. most probably go for another yr 12, since is cheaper and easier to adapt, but problem is the timetable, stupid la really, no matter which way, i have to work harder than this yr, no more to enjoy. sean easier just wait for uni, i think he can get in curtin and plus 2nd intake, enjoy la hah!

stop think abt these shitzz, and talk abt malaysia. yesterday go to travel agencies and guess wut the date is set and haven book ticket yet. another complicated quesrion coz the time is not flexible, so much to thought abt, i have to wait till my chemo done and study stuff to settle then oni can go back, so by the time it will be around middle january next yr, and then flight back to perth around febuary, after chinese new yr. sean lucky la, 2nd intake can stay in malaysia longer till march, wut abt ns, stay bit longer then abdullah order the army to catch him to jungle, go eat banana wif orang utan, later miss the enrolment in uni. anyways, the date we shud be back if nth ..... happen (pray and pray, believe that kuan yin will hear me for the 1st time) is on 18 jan 07, 5 hours flight, evening to nite, wah, seriously, and finally! everytime going to airport here is just to send or welcome my dad, and watching the ppls coming in and out, always thought if one day i will be like them it would be so great, i know everyone of us except dad has this feeling, and now finally! yesterday we have been talking whole day wut to do in malyasia, 1st thing everyone thought of is eat! but cant blame us, we r tired of the same routine of butter bread everyday, back to malaysia 11pm at nite, of coz go supper la! satay, seafood, chee cheong fun, fried kuey tiew etc, and i think last thing we will be eating is panadol, eat too much till stomach explode.

hmmm, so wait till that day..........